I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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