final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
