I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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