She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize