you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
