break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
