My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
