The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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