Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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