Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
If I die, sorry about rent.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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