That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
