I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Non-Jews are for practice
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
