I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
