Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
