Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Randomize
