So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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