my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
