That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
