shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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