Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
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You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
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My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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