I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Randomize
