STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf