someone threw a dead crab at me
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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