i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
