Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
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he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
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The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
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