I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Ketchup is God's man juice
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.