He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.