shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day