I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
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I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
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If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.