it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
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Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes