just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
two words...techno handjob
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
