His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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