So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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