he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
