There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Randomize
