It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
