The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
