It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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