you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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