All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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