I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
