So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
