I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
