i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
