Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I need a burrito and a hug.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
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