Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
the day after is always just damage control
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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