I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
