i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
