the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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