I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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