So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
