i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
