True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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