i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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