so explain again why im purple
no
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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