What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
