Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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