he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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