Pappa wants mamma naked
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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