just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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