I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
