my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
