ya dads aren't the best wingmen
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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