Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
How external is "for external use only"?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
