I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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