TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
