bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
