Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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