my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
