hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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