Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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